October 26, 2016
I am my own worst enemy.
I beat myself up for the smallest things all the time. My husband knows that he doesn’t have to say a word when I screw up because I am already beating myself up and have a guilty conscience. Crazy right?
This is not an understatement. For example, I lost weight recently and have been really sticking to my workout regime and eating healthy. However, for the past couple of weeks I have been struggling with making good food decisions. Granted, they haven’t been THAT BAD. But I kid you not. I feel guilty each and every time I eat something I knew I shouldn’t have. Sure it was delicious at the time, but literally the moment after I eat unhealthy, I feel guilty.
Another example is when I am sick or when I call in sick. I seriously feel guilty for calling in sick! I worry that everyone is going to judge me that I take too much time off or that no one is going to believe me that I am not feeling well. Instead of relaxing and enjoying my sick day, I instead complete work from home and worry all day. Then my stomach hurts the next day because I feel like I have to PROVE that I was sick. Ugh. I swear sometimes my anxiety is too much.
Sometimes, I wish I could be like the people who don’t worry about EVERY LITTLE THING. Thank god for my husband. He seriously reminds me constantly of how much I am working myself up and allows me to talk it out until I feel better. I couldn’t imagine if we were both like me. I’m pretty sure we would just spend the whole day curled up in bed hiding from the world and wouldn’t get anything done.