My Own Worst Enemy

October 26, 2016

I am my own worst enemy.

I beat myself up for the smallest things all the time.  My husband knows that he doesn’t have to say a word when I screw up because I am already beating myself up and have a guilty conscience.  Crazy right?

This is not an understatement.  For example, I lost weight recently and have been really sticking to my workout regime and eating healthy.  However, for the past couple of weeks I have been struggling with making good food decisions.  Granted, they haven’t been THAT BAD.  But I kid you not.  I feel guilty each and every time I eat something I knew I shouldn’t have.  Sure it was delicious at the time, but literally the moment after I eat unhealthy, I feel guilty.

Another example is when I am sick or when I call in sick.  I seriously feel guilty for calling in sick!  I worry that everyone is going to judge me that I take too much time off or that no one is going to believe me that I am not feeling well.  Instead of relaxing and enjoying my sick day, I instead complete work from home and worry all day.  Then my stomach hurts the next day because I feel like I have to PROVE that I was sick.  Ugh.  I swear sometimes my anxiety is too much.

Sometimes, I wish I could be like the people who don’t worry about EVERY LITTLE THING.  Thank god for my husband.  He seriously reminds me constantly of how much I am working myself up and allows me to talk it out until I feel better.  I couldn’t imagine if we were both like me.  I’m pretty sure we would just spend the whole day curled up in bed hiding from the world and wouldn’t get anything done.

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