March 1, 2017
The next few of my posts might be a little more personal. We are going to dive deep into the innerworkings of my brain (oh man, be prepared!)
I read memes on Facebook all the time about anxiety, stress, worrying, etc. I see pictures that resonate with me, which means I’m not the only one going through something. Like, when you go to lay down and all of a sudden your brain has decided right now would be a great idea to try and figure out the reason of life.
I feel like I stress out about everything. Last night, I woke up at 3 am to use the restroom and then laid in bed for an hour thinking about the difference between LA Fitness and Planet Fitness. This lead to thoughts of which would be better for me as a gym. Then the what ifs started. What if LA is too busy for me? What if I don’t use the gym to the advantage that I should since I will be paying double? What if I regret paying for a more expensive gym? The next thing I knew it was 4 am and I still hadn’t gone back to sleep. Who does that?! Who nitpicks every single angle of switching gyms? Seriously, it is just a matter of switching gyms. Why is that such a big deal?! But then, I am so afraid of failure or regreting making a decision that I have to over analyze it in every direction possible.
When I finally went back to sleep, my husband’s alarm went off at 5 am. So, of course, my brain went into overdrive again. This time thinking about our dog’s training class. As you know, we have been taking our dogs to a training class. It was supposed to be a 6 week class, however, IT IS STILL GOING. Our trainer had to cancel two classes which means something that should have ended 2 weeks ago, is now going into March. It isn’t a big deal, BUT, for the past two weeks we attended, we learned nothing new. Instead, we kept doing the same thing over and over again. The dogs were getting bored. They didn’t want to keep doing the same thing, so I’m not going to lie, we stopped going. We felt the dogs’ behavior had improved a ton and they listen a lot better. Yes, it probably wasn’t the smartest decision, but we were bored and we could tell the dogs didn’t like it anymore. But of course, back to stressing about it. We are supposed to go tonight for our last class, and we aren’t going to. And I feel GUILTY about it. The poor dogs aren’t going to graduate because we, as parents, are failures. Seriously, I thought about this for a good 30 minutes before I FINALLY drifted back to sleep, just to have my alarm go off.
I know I sound ridiculous, but this is seriously my life. One tiny decision takes a good week to truly decide because I have to research it, overanalyze it, discuss it with people around me, and then finally making the decision. It is absolutely ridiculous when you think about it. But, this has been me my whole life.